What is active listening?

Active listening is when you actually listen to a person and understand what they are actually feeling without giving them advice on what to do in their situation. Active listening differs from hearing. Hearing is the act of perceiving audible sounds with the ear. It is a passive act. Listening on the other hand, is the active pursuit of understanding what the other person is saying.

What should happen when you are active listening?

When a person starts to tell you information, you will try to judge the person. This can lead to problems. After hearing the information the speaker gives you, you need to repeat what they are saying, since it may not be the same thing that they told you. At this point the person you are talking to should then correct any mistakes before there is any misunderstanding.

When should you use active listening?

You should use active listening when your friends or people you know are talking about something serious. Like when your friend is telling you about how she or he is going to break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend and asks you what they should do.

What to remember when you are active listening?

� You must want to hear what the person has to say. People are not always ready to do this, and sometimes we simply don't want to listen. It is okay to tell someone that you aren't ready to listen when they start talking.

� Take the time to listen and trust in the speaker's ability to work out his or her own problems.

� Hear the speaker out! Listen to the feeling of what is being said. Don't interrupt. Use nods and other nonverbal exchanges.

� Remain calm as possible. Don't shut off your listening by reacting emotionally, or you will receive only part of the message.

What to do and what not to do when you are actively listening?

There are some ways to phrase things that work very well and other ways that don't work so well. People hate to take orders but they love suggestions and they also like to know what you are on their side. When you talk with people you don't want to tell them what to do, you want to lead them to the point where they will come to the "right" conclusion on their own. You want to empower them to make their own decisions about very weighty matters, like their sex life or their future. Never make assumptions or direct statements about their situation, because you don't really know what they are experiencing. Rather tell them what it sounds like to you.