Part 2 : Thought process on should I separate from my high school sweetheart for college?
Well….as much as I mentioned how Im afraid to lose Bae in the last blog, this time im not. Now im starting to look at it in a more “accepting” “whatever happens, happens” way. Not weighing the pros and cons tooo much, but weighing them enough. I mean..what’s the worst that could happen? I’ll get over it eventually, I’ll just have to accept that there’s a process. I’d like to stay close to bae, but I’m fine with it not working out. It’s life, and life goes on. There’s millions of people out there and there’s a possibility me and bae won’t last forever. Anything can happen. I love that young man and I want to explore my life journey with him, but if Allah has other plans then so be it.
I can see us in the future. I can picture us two in a big home and the cars we talk about in our childhood years. Bae is the only man that I can picture myself doing that with. Maybe it’s because I have deep unconditional love for him, or maybe it’s because I haven’t mingled enough. Whatever reason it’s for, i just know that I can picture us in the future … happy. Inshallah (if God wills).
At first I was considering transferring to the same school as him, but now I’m realizing that even though it’ll mean that we’re together I have a better option for myself. That everybody has their own path. Part of me is also saying that just because everyone has their own path, doesn't mean that we still can’t be together. I have opportunity to go to school on the same state of him, but not necessarily in the same area. Before, I would look at schools only by where he’s going to school to. Now, I’m looking at schools in the same state he’s going to school in. I feel like this is just me maturing, and even though there may be better options for myself in other states, I’m still making an attempt to make it work. I have yet to look at opportunities in other states Honestly the reason for that is because of my love for Bae. Even though to someone who’s not in love, this may seem crazy. I’m reality, you won’t know why people make certain choices or think a certain way until you’re in that predicament. I was talking to a female staff at my school Who went far in her sport about my decisions for next year. She asked me about what plays a big role in my decision. I listed a few things, and right after I mentioned possibly making it work with Bae…she said to me something I’ll never forget. Usually people say to do your own thing, and forget about the personal relationship because it “won’t last”. This time, I heard something different for once. I feel comfortable with talking to her. She told me that, if this is something that I really want to work out and let that be a factor in where I end up next year. She said that she would tell me not to let that affect my decision if I was a freshman or if I just met Bae. But the fact that we’ve been together and I’m in love, then why not try to make it work if this is something we both really want.
I’m a very indecisive person, so when I heard this advice from her helped me narrow down my options. Now I went from “ is this even worth it?” to “ if I want to make it work then make it work”